♥♥ Dazzle me...

♥Saturday, May 21, 2005♥

Quite upset the whole day...

Sad + tummy ache = Misery

"Why do you want me to keep on giving you assurance all the time?"
Mark message me.

I tried explaining to him,but nothing seems to make him understand.
Or is it he simply don't want to?
In his mind,My past of how i hurted him had never left.
All i wanted was him to tell me that everything would be fine.
And he would love me like he used too.
I needed him to love me whole heartedly.Cause i want to love him whole heartedly too.
Why is it so difficult?
When he already proclaim his love for me?
I don't want to walk a day after a day.
I wanted forever...I just wanted it to last.

Thats all...Thats all...

He said all those stuffs to me that really hurts.
'I am happier without you.'
'With or without you is anything.'

When i asked him to sort things out on the phone,
he refused to talk.
'No point'
'Just forget it'

What am i suppose to do?
*
*
*
Nicholas called me .
Chatted ...
Told me ,that at first when he read my blog,
He was jealous of Mark.(To see me so devoted to him.)
When he carried on reading,
He laughed.

" Say a comment,but please don't be angry."

"You are so stupid.Do you really think that he will be back the same way you wanted him to be?It could never be the same again.Both of you had broken up once.Patching things up won't do you good.Even if you two are together.It won't last.Cause ,you are the one giving,and there are limits he would do for you already.
He laid his limits but you stupidly trying and trying giving the best that you could,
One of these days you would be so tired.
Then you would end up hurt again.
Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Love is simple...But it isn't easy".

We could fall in love easily with someone,or after a period of time.
But making the love last takes up alot of efforts and sacrifices.
It really takes two.

After the conversation with him...
I thought about it,
and i finally realise.
I went back to Mark was because i knew he loved me alot in the past.
And i felt safed ,putting all my love in a person who will love me back .
I am still afraid,and exhausted.
I wanted so much to be stable ,to love,and to be loved.
I really wanted to stay on just 1.
With no stepping stones.

Thats why i chose Mark.
But it's the 'old Mark ' .
The new Mark would never loved me as deep as before.
And it'd the 'Old Mark',That i am in love with and missed for.
I regretted greatly why didn't i treasure him at that point of time?
He left with so many heart felts...that things may not have a turning point.
And the Mark that i knew now,could never replace him anymore.
He's became a stranger to me.
The Mark that i knew had hoped for so long to see the changed me.

I am finally changed...but he was gone.

I can't settle for anyone or anything less, cause it's the 'old Mark'that i fell in love with.
He was the one who touched my heart.

I lost him,and he ain't coming back...

Missing him forever.

ends at 6:01 AM

with love ♥