♥♥ Dazzle me...

♥Friday, May 20, 2005♥

Went out with Chelz today,
She needed some help on getting some more 'business like' clothings.
We were chitchatting ,
when the subject of Me and Mark came up.

She knew what i am like...
Knew each other from primary school till now.

She knew i made changes.
She knew i am devoted.

"I know how you felt for Mark...But do he feel the same for you?"

"I had never seen you like that before.You sure he is the one?"

Well...
Together with Mark,I kept reminding myself...
Cannot like this...cannot like that...
I am so afraid to do things that will provoke him .
Keep reminding myself ,
I love him and i must try...

But...
I wonder?
Is he the same old Mark that i knew that loved me so much.
That i missed?
That made me willing to forsake everything now just for him?

The truth...
''NO...He wasn't the same..."

He was no longer 'the Mark' that i Knew.
I had been trying to hard to be his ideal girlfriend that,
I even lied to myself ,accepting him the way he changed.

I sent this message to him...

'I am now the Koji that you wanted...Are you the Mark that i wanted?"

The answer was what i didn't wish to hear.

"I no longer can be the Mark you wanted.
Last time i had 'hope' in the relationship.
But now it is 'if got ,got lor...If no,nevermind also ...'
I can no longer devote my time to you.
Somethings i would give up, last time.Now i won't.
I need a girlfriend who will not give me trouble.
I don't have to sweet talk her.
And Just stay by my side."

*I am torn again...*
Why is he doing this to me?
Why in the first place he promised he would be the same?
I 'm too heart broken...

Although I knew i loved him,
But the way he told me that this relationship is nothing to him.
I couldn't take it any more.
I wanted a Love with passion...
A love with hopes....
A love with dreams...
A love with faith of going through all ups and down
And A love to last...
It takes two hands to clap.

I am so heart broken.*tears*
Why is he doing this to me?

ends at 2:31 AM

with love ♥